Statement of purpose

As I sifted through the avalanche of fan-mail sent to thehonestbro@gmail.com, I found a few questions among the unadulterated praise:

1. What's with the name of the blog?

Molson Canadian has the slogan: "An honest brew makes its own friends". Each bottle asks a "would you prefer..." question and asks you to answer honestly. As The Honest Bro, I will answer these questions.

2. Is that all you're going to write about?

Probably not. I'm worried that there are only about 10 different questions total. I'm also planning to talk about the NBA and MTV shows like Bromance (FYI: Mondays at 9:00pm EST).

3. Why are you writing a blog in the first place?

I'd like to answer in the form of a "would you prefer..." question, which I'll then answer.

Answer honestly: would you prefer...to be a known loser with a blog or a closet loser without a blog?

When I thought about starting a blog, that was the question. How many people do I want to know I'm a loser? I remembered a conversation I had earlier this fall, and it made the decision easy.

It was a conversation I had when visiting Dartmouth. I ran into fraternal comrade Kemper Pierce, who, in the vein of Beyonce, has an alter ego "Kemper Fierce". Kemper Fierce is the epitome of frat cool. Though he's also in Boston, I haven't seen much of KP/F. We ran into each other in our frat.

Me: Hey, what's up dude?
KP/F: Remember when you soberly cut the sleeves off a sweater, split the front, wove a shoelace in the chest split, and wrote something on the back to get ready for Magic Monday?
Me: Oh yeah, that's right, heh
KP/F: What did you write on the back again?
Me: Ummm, I don't even remember.*
Silence.
Me: What was it? Probably something stupid.
KP/F: Good to see you.

*I do remember. It said "Sun's out, guns out". It was my most-prized item of frat wear. Let me explain more.

Bequests are a ceremony where seniors pass along "frat-gear" to younger guys for two main reasons: (a) to pass along they will (they hope, sort of) no longer need and (b) to fight the transience of frat-greatness, to leave mementos that remind those who come after that they once did things equally wild and crazy to things done today.

I attended my first bequests at the end of my pledge term, filled with the fervor of being a new brother. I was really impressed by all the cool stories and cool stuff that was passed along. Unfortunately, I didn't get shit (in retrospect, this should have been a signal). I did get one thing though. It was a red and beige striped sweater that the frat president threw in the middle of the floor. He said: "This is just some ugly clothing I want to get rid of".

As KP/F mentioned, I did some work on that sweater. I decided to make it my cool piece of frat gear since I didn't get much at bequests. I did in fact cut off the sleeves, cut a slit down the chest, sew up the chest slit with a shoelace, and write "Sun's out, guns out" on the back in permanent marker. Actually, I wrote "Sun's out, guns out" and drew a picture of a sun with "06X" written inside the sun. (For those non-Dartmouth folks, "06X" is the abbreviation for summer term 2006).

I wore my Sun's out guns out sweater quite a bit. I did wild and crazy things in it, like drink a lot of beer and pass out. Sometimes I mixed things up. I drank beer, ordered pizza, and then passed out. I had plans to pass along this sweater to my favorite underclassman when it came time for my bequests. Unfortunately, when it came time for my bequests, I couldn't find the sweater. At some juncture in the moving shuffle, I left it in my room at my parents' house. It's still there, unless my mom found it and has started putting it to use. Email thehonestbro@gmail.com if you want it.

What's the point of the story? Everyone already knows I'm a loser. So what the hell? I get bored of watching TV after work. Why not give a blog a try? I have an image of a place where I put my opinions and my friends read the posts and comment on what they think. Or just make fun of me. I don't know if that will happen. But I'm hoping to at least get more hits than my roommate's blog. Failing that, I'll publicly air all my complaints about living with him.

4. How can I, the reader, get involved?

There are a few ways:
1. Follow the blog (see link at right).
2. Comment on the posts. I'll take anything.
3. Email me with questions you would like to see me write about. Anticipating the massive response, I've set up a gmail account for emails: thehonestbro@gmail.com.
4. Extra credit: email me a guest column of any length about anything. I'll post it. I have no standards.

5. Who has the best set of teeth you've ever seen?

Cardinals wideout Larry Fitzgerald.

One more superlative: Best self-esteem builder: Lil' Mama from America's Best Dance Crew. Lil' Mama has a way of delivering praise such that you know it comes straight from the heart. And she's anything but stingy with compliments. If only she'd reviewed some of David Foster Wallace's work, we'd still have the best author of our generation (a third superlative, I admit).